Hello, hello, helloooo…
What a day…
A full moon – and it’s a Supermoon, Blue Moon, AND we have an eclipse too (only viewable in Hawaii).
Oh my Lord …
SO, what does this all mean? Well, it means it’s an opportunity to return to love… to you … to YOUR GREATNESS.
You see, recently we’ve been walking almost like a maze… but instead of it being flat on the ground, it’s a spiral maze… the more you stay focussed on your vision, the easier the journey, because you know – no matter what appears on your path it is for the highest good. When you look back on your apparent ‘tough’ times – the hardest times of your life, most people would not change them – because of the learnings. So if you’re having a rough ole time, just look at it like a schoolroom… see that you are in learning mode… the teacher – is the person who is causing you distress/difficulty. Now I do not mean if someone is actually abusing/harming you – that is a situation you generally need to move away from. What I’m taking about here are situations where people are pushing your buttons, making you feel uncomfortable – triggering emotions like anger, sadness, shame, grief, frustration, anxiety etc.). I will correct my wording there though – because NOBODY can make you feel anything. It is your definition of the situation, what you are making up about what is happening, and your choice to feel what you are feeling. That’s what makes you feel emotions. Whatever the situation, be it your health, relationships, finances, business… whatever you are finding challenging – is actually a giant opportunity to :
1. Get clarity on/Focus on the vision of what you WOULD love.
2. Be clear and real about where you are in relation to that (sets up ‘creative tension’ as described in Robert Fritz’s amazing book ‘The Path of Least Resistance’ which I HIGHLY recommend).
3. Be gentle on you and take steps every single day towards manifesting your VISION.
Are you ‘In Your Power’?
That is what ‘being in your power’ actually means – having clarity on your vision, and taking steps towards it! How cool and empowering is that?
So, there you have it in a nutshell. Have clarity that you are simply in this aMAZE-ing place and you are spiralling UPWARDS and moving closer and closer to what you love. You need to stay committed to your vision. If you would like clarity on your vision, then feel free to connect with me and book a slot for a complimentary ‘Launch Your Awesome’ now breakthrough session – click here to do so. Choose a suitable slot, and I look forward to chatting and breaking YOU through to your higher dimension where your dreams have already manifested. Aloha!
Have an amazeing day and create some time for you to just be and stare at the lunar magic and dreaming your dream! x
Sharing is caring – please share this on your social networks – share the joy, inspiration and magic.
Thank you! x
I had the most crazy, then amazing day yesterday.
I woke early, and at sunrise I was out walking the dog on the beaches near my home.
It was perfect – silent, magical, quiet… I had the world all to myself, and the birds, and the doggy. The light was golden, the air was clear and my mind was super happy, my heart flying high. I had a big day ahead, meetings, sessions, planning, finishing off with a webinar.
When I got home I meditated, and succumbed to a snooze. Afterwards I started to listen to the news, and I was horrified at what I heard. I spent a few hours listening to tales of horror, and I cried. I considered cancelling my webinar for many reasons. I didn’t think I’d be in a state to do it, I felt like I ‘had’ to out of respect (after all my webinar was about creating YOUR awesome life), and to be honest, I thought it was a ‘sign’.
Choose Your Reality…
Instead, I had a shower, and then I read a few messages from my coach and a couple of accountabilitybuddies who persuaded me to go on and pointed out that this could be me just looking for an excuse not to follow through on my commitment. I had a full on days work, and just before my scheduled webinar I nipped out to the shops, and ended up going swimming – PERFECT way to clear my energy field… I was flying high again and feeling so ridiculously lucky to be alive. I messaged my people and said I’d been considering cancelling, but guidance was strong to honour my commitment.
So, I did – I created the webinar. And it was magical. At the beginning, we joined together to set our intentions for the call, but also to offer love and a prayer for those who needed it. It was truly potent, the love, and the power of beautiful people from all over the world, joined together in circle.
This phrase came to mind: “When 2 or more are gathered in my name, there I am.” Matthew
The Face of Innocence
What I learned was that it’s SOOO important to stay focussed (interestingly the topic of the webinar was focus, and how to create your version of heaven on earth)…. there will always be ‘tough’ days, there will always be challenges… and bringing heaven to earth is about combining it all… serving the highest (your awesome vision and dream), and BEING the change you wish to see in the world, while also having compassion for others. By feeling amazing (and also being real and acknowledging the other stuff), you are changing the world.
Feel free to book a complimentary “Breakthrough & Manifest Magic” clarity session – click here to do so. Just choose a suitable slot, and I look forward to chatting and breaking YOU through to your higher dimension where your dreams have already manifested. Aloha!
Have a fantastic day.
Choose Your Life!
I found myself going totally unconscious this morning…. worrying about all I had to do, peeps I needed to connect with and “housework” a common topic of resistance for me (always lots to do, no matter how much my cleaner does, and a great diversion if I’m ‘meant’ to be writing or creating).
This time last year I got shingles …. I’d been REEEAAAALLLY frustrated with all the ‘3D’ stuff like cooking, cleaning, paying bills etc. I had to do. So what happened? BAM…. the universe put me totally out of action – so much so that I actually YEARNED to be well enough to do the washing up!
SO, today as soon as I found myself going unconscious, and being ungrateful, (i.e. worrying, and focussing on the negative), I caught myself. With a simple switch in my thoughts, I was able to start seeing the beauty and perfection in everything. They, hey presto – my day changed. My world changed, everything became beautiful. It took will to catch myself, but as soon as I consciously changed my focus, I was in bliss. I chose a different life! So, I started thinking about how EASY and also how difficult this can be – by constantly choosing to operate from my higher self I can have an aweeesome life.
In Your Power… Or Not?
It was a really phenomenal experience in how we can CHOOSE to be in our power – shift and focus on what we would love instead… My day shifted and I was able to create from the higher self (the heart, intuition, imagination – love).
The other path – the lower self (thoughts, feelings, assumptions, beliefs) would have led me to God n Goddess knows what – but possibly illness, feeling ‘not good enough’, failure, self loathing – but most definitely I would NOT have had the productive, fun, inspiring day full of synchronicities and magic which DID manifest.
Happiness really is an inside job; we can so easily CHOOSE what kind of existence we want.
It’s as simple as asking ourselves, am I being motivated by love now, … or fear?
Aloha – I love you – have a magical one, and please share your comments below – anything in particular you do to ensure you’re feeling GOOD?!
Discover your destiny – why are you here? Discover the path of your soul, When you walk the path of your soul, and get clarity on how to move past any blocks, beliefs, or barriers that are preventing you from manifesting vibrant health, wealth, and love.
Feel free to book a complimentary “Breakthrough & Manifest Magic” clarity session – click here to do so. Just choose a suitable slot, and I look forward to chatting and breaking YOU through to your higher dimension where your dreams have already manifested.
222 2222 New Beginnings…
What does it mean when you see the number 2 repeated?
Synchronicity and messages come through in many ways, especially repeated numbers. You might see it as the date, or on clocks, the time, car registration numbers, telephone numbers, receipts, change or the total on your receipt.
So what does 222 mean?
Well, it’s a very good sign. The new moon is closely linked with the number 2, when you see repetitive 2 it is a sign of NEW BEGINNINGS… It is saying – keep going, do not to give up, be patient. Your seed is just below the soil, ready to sprout into a beautiful flower (or your creation). Just because you can’t see anything, it doesn’t mean it’s not developing. More on the stages of creation and manifestation below.
222 or other groups of ‘2’ are reminding you to stay positive… don’t lose hope just before your seed shoots through the soil, to the light of day and full manifestation.
Celebrate your humanness, your dreams are coming true, keep going and…..
It is a reminder to take it easy! You ARE on the way to manifesting your dreams.. You just need to ‘do the work’ every single day, every single nano second – and know that even on the most miserable days, your manifestations ARE coming through…. like seeds, sprouting, slowing reaching the light of day… If you give up just before the seed bursts through the soil you miss the manifestation.
In terms of creating and manifesting our dreams, we can describe it in the following steps:
A Dream, New Vision or Realisation
You have a dream… you meet a teacher or a mentor who shows you another way – your “Soul’s Path”.
You have a glimpse of another possibility, another life choice. It could be a new business, relationship, health choice and so on.
You get super excited as it seems SO real, believable and possible.
This is your “Call To Adventure” as Joseph Campbell describes it in his book “The Hero’s Journey“. You meet a teacher or a guide, and you commit to your dream or vision. This is the path of the heart.
By accepting the call, and remaining excited, following the breadcrumb trail of joy – you eventually manifest your dreams. It helps to be trained in tapping into your intuition in an accurate, tangible way. Then you totally know if you are being motivated by fear… or love (the heart/imagination/intuition).
Doubt, Challenge & Testing
In the second stage of the journey, doubt, challenges and tests arise… You’ve got clarity on your dream, and the vision you would like to manifest, but then the mind takes over….. FEAR!
The job of the mind (or ego) is to protect you. Its sole job is your survival…. literally! This was necessary back in the days of cave dwelling, but nowadays the mind can go into overdrive and actually take you AWAY from your heart’s path, and your dreams (it thinks it’s protecting you).
The ego sees you are about to do something new… and it fears for your safety and survival (if you keep doing what you’ve been doing, it’s quite happy – even if is not good for you… because you have not died… literally, its job is to keep you alive – it’s that simple – and crazy).
When you think about following your heart it freaks out!
In this stage, the ego has been alerted to the fact that you might be taking the path of the heart and it sees that as scary… it’s got its ‘alert!’ hat on 🙂
Whatever area you are thinking about changing, different scenarios might come up…
If you consider leaving the ‘known’, worries arise – you’ve trained long and hard at your job – to be a lawyer, a teacher, a television producer (my past career) or whatever the job you are considering leaving that simply isn’t bringing you joy – so fear comes up and you think you can’t give it up. You doubt whether your new venture will be a success… ‘Maybe doing fabulous, enjoyable work is for others, the dreamers, not me….’ you think.
You don’t think you can leave your marriage because of that bit of paper and those promises you made a looooong time ago. You worry about what others will think and say. You think maybe you should compromise.
Any time ‘222’ pops up, you’re being told to look for the magic, the magic is within you, and this is a sign that you are on the right path… get excited and stay with the excitement. Be patient.
You don’t think you can manifest your dream home, or move and live somewhere else and all sorts of worries come up. The dreaded word ‘HOW’ bugs you as you ‘try’ to work out the entire journey from where you are to your manifested dream.
I actually suggest that my clients refrain from using the word ‘how’ as it catapults them firmly into the left, logical brain. Nothing wrong with the left brain, but it is limited to what you have learned and experienced, whereas the right brain is unlimited… It is the sphere of the imagination, intuition, synchronicity, magic, and love. You need both sides of your brain to manifest successfully. :)…
Whatever your story, whatever your dream there is something that needs to be released, and something that you need to commit to…. if you are to live a fantastic life, rather than a life of compromise, fear, loneliness… whatever your favourite ego flavour is ….
“The imagination is the preview of life’s coming attractions.”
“Imagination is more powerful than knowledge.”
So this is the stage where we doubt ourselves… many give up here … this is why so many equate dreams, desires, visions with pain and suffering.
Many give up for many years, or forever. We’re not taught to ‘break out of the system’ so to speak…
This is the stage of testing… are you committed to your dream … or not?
Anything that comes up and doubts your stage one (your vision), is stage two…
This stage is also a sort of ‘safety light switch’. You are being asked –
Are you sure you want to leave your job?
Are you sure you want to leave your relationship?
Are you sure you want to change your vibration and your life…
If you say YES you reach…..
Manifestation & Realisation That You Are A DMB (Divine Magnificent Being)
You manifest your dream!
It is time for CELEBRATION & COMPLETION!
Remember you’re a God, Goddess, divine magnificent being, spirit having a human experience… If you have a desire you CAN manifest it…. it is law! We are never given a dream, or a desire that is impossible to manifest.
In this stage, you begin to manifest more and more and more of what you love.
You start to FEEL the vibration of having manifested your dream. You let go… and before you know, you’ve either manifested it, or you realise you’ve manifested something even better. Often, when you are focussed on the ‘big’ dream, you look around and realise you have manifested something you wished for a very long time ago. When you take your mind (and fear) off it, you allow it to come into your life. A type of surrender… of the most powerful kind. That’s what ‘being in your power’ means – it is having a dream, and taking action to manifest it. You ‘do the work’. When you rise to the vibration – the feeling of having what you love… it comes rushing into your life…. 222 You need to keep your vibe high though! To discover how to do this, feel free to ask me…. or remind me to write another blog on this.
So the numbers 2, or repeated 2’s are saying don’t give up! It’s a message from your guides, whoever/wherever you seek your guidance from. It is spirit – your higher self, the angels, your ancestors – when they get your attention with repetitive numbers, it’s their way of communicating with you. You CAN do it! You are WELL CAPABLE. You are GOOD ENOUGH, YOU ARE LOVABLE and YOU ARE WORTHY!
You only want what you want, because in the having of it, you think you will feel better.. so feel good anyway!
So keep going, keep dreaming, spend more time in the dreams, imagining, playing than you do in your ‘stuff’ (negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings) and it WILL happen…. it is law!
Do you see 222 – or other numbers a lot?
What numbers have a special significance for you?
How do you get ‘YES’ signs from the Universe/angels etc.?
I’d love to hear your comments and whether this resonates, comment below.
Sharing Is Caring – links just below to share with your friends…..
Take a journey into gaining clarity on your BIG vision, the dream you came here to manifest, learn how to tap into your intuition in an accurate tangible way so you see clearly both the next steps to take and what might be stopping you or standing in the way of manifesting what you love. Also receive a one to one coaching session with our team so that you finish this programme with clarity, renewed energy, confidence and excitement for your life. To register click here – for a limited time the full fee of £997 has been reduced to £497.
Your initial session will be scheduled within 48 hours. You will immediately receive the first download with a visionary journey, meditation and coursework.
Enjoy beautiful being! Today is the first day of the rest of the life you CHOOSE!
I was just about to message one of my mentors, and ask what to do when I feel totally overcome with love… which happens a lot recently.
The answer that came to me before… and again now, was this… share it.
So here I am – blogging – writing, with no idea where this is going … which is one of my favourite tings…. Making shit up. Good shit though. Sorry, but that’s pretty much the only word that will suffice right now… but it’s GOOD shit… ha ha, well I hope so; I hope it’s good for you. (a little ‘ps.’ here… in a totally inappropriate place… but if you’ve got writer’s block, or you want to tell a story… just start ‘making it up’… it’s another word for channeling… let me know how you get on, and if I’m making no sense at all, pop a comment below or ask me and I’ll explain more about this – but believe me, it’s magic… when you’re making ‘good’ stuff up.).
So, what are you making up? Do you make up good stuff?
When you’re feeling blue, what do you make up?
You see, something I realized recently was that our feelings come first, then the thoughts… often we have a feeling, and rather than just having it – feeling it… we make stuff up about it. We define ourselves, others or the world depending on the feeling. Often those thoughts really don’t serve us and enhance the shit feeling.
Howeverrrr…. I know that very often when I had a really GOOD feeling.. like I was feeling AMAZING my little (?!) ego, mind whatever you want to call it, would still make bad shit up! So, I’d find myself going ‘OMG I’m SO happy’, and then I’d hear my internal voice, or gremlin as I started to call it say something like; “Ah yes, but what about….”… (fill in the blank). My ego/mind would choose an area of my life I could worry about and my great feeling would totally dissipate and be replaced by a feeling of doom, fear, worry etc.
Photo courtesy of Liza Brown; Mahalo you sweet lady!
Right now though, I’m sitting in the evening sun, it’s a summery balmy evening, the sun is about an hour from setting, I can smell the oceanic fresh aroma, and feel the sensual salty sea breeze on my cheek. The birds are flying around my head, choosing where to settle tonight, the kids are playing down below –only a few weeks into the summer, yet about 75 shades browner than a few weeks ago before the summer break.
Life is good.
I am a lucky lady.
Right now, I feel gratitude, love, and a renewed faith in the words:
Please forgive me
I love you.
A la Ho’ponopono from Hawaii (see my facebook note (click here) if you want to find out more about that.
For information on joining one of our “Enhance Your Life” programmes, retreats, adventures fill out the contact form below.
I loveeee you wonderful being!
A new moon is a time to herald in new beginnings… AND so that you can CONSCIOUSLY let go of what no longer serves.
Here are some tips to ensure you have a POWERFUL, fun, magic manifesting month!
- Set an intention and CHOOSE what you would LOVE to change or have manifested by this time next month.
- Visualise what you would love. Get really clear, what’s your ideal day looking like? Most importantly, actually FEEL the feeling of it.
- Now you’ve done the work (apart from taking intuitively, heart orientated action), so forget about it. Just let it go… Relax in the knowing that it, or something better will manifest.
- Keep your vibration high – exercise, meditation, watching your thoughts, avoiding gossip, being GENTLE with yourself. Watch your environment – feed yourself with yummy, healthy, food, water, thoughts – stay away from the negative in the media and others!
- Treat others how you would like to be treated.
- Give yourself a flipping break! We can be SO hard on ourselves, at the end of the day it’s only US who is standing in the way of what we love. So, be gentle with yourself. Believe that everything is happening for your highest good.
- Just before the new moon, and 1 – 3 days after is a great time to focus on what you want to release and let go of. This leaves room for what you DO want to manifest. Do you want to let go of certain beliefs (I’m not lovable, I’m not good enough, I’m not capable and so on …). Remember your beliefs might (well, they always are so you might need some help getting clarity on your beliefs. You are either focussed on what you love (and that manifests), OR you are focussed on your beliefs (and you manifest more of that). Do you want to welcome in a new discipline like regular exercise or meditation? The moon is powerful, it controls the ocean tides after all. You are mainly water, therefore, you have the power of the moon to support all of your new beginnings and wishes.
- BELIEVE and CHANGE…. Really – it can be that simple. Look for signs of how fabulous your life is already…. look for things manifesting around you. Obviously you have got to be ‘real’ too, so when things aren’t working that needs attention… but most of your attention needs to be on gratitude.
The secret number 9 key, (as added on November 7, 2018), a few hours before the new moon….
Move into the vibration of love… the best way I’ve found to do this is to sip some sacred cacao – it has to be in the right measure, with the right intention. If you’d like to know more, to buy some, or to take part in one of my Soul Discovery Adventures just message me. When you enter into the vibration of LOVE, that is the vibe of meditation, healing and manifestation.
This is why we’re here… to master LOVE!
Come On! Let’s Play!
(Check out this blog click here, for the different stages to manifestation).
New Moon Dates & Times in your area….
The time before the new moon, as the old one dwindles is the void, or ‘dark moon’ as it is known. It occurs 2/3 days before and after the new moon, when her power is still waning (before the new moon), and waxing or building (after the new moon). It is a powerful time for to plant seeds as the power of the moon works positively with them. It’s also a great time to metaphorically plant seeds in the form of new ideas, inspiration, dreams.
This photo is a visit I made to see Goddess Pele who is a MASSIVE presence in Hawaii. Her home is the fire – the volcanoes, the lava… I visited her to ask for guidance on one of my BIG dreams, and I had just had a ceremony and made an offering to her.
I was literally blown away when I saw that she is coming out of my heart in the photo (the ginormous volcano is behind me)…. She showed me that YOU have the power – it is within you, when you move past your challenges, negative thoughts and beliefs you unleash the power within… YOU CAN DO IT!
Here’s a little new moon exercise for you. She is VERY present in this photo, so tune into her and ask her for guidance;
A)) What do I need to let go of?
B)) What is it time to welcome in?
C)) What is the dream I’ve been too afraid to manifest until now?
If you would like clarity on your BIG dream, the one your heart wants to manifest (rather than your head), and know the path your soul is calling you to take, hit me up and we can chat about your options.
I love you – happy new moon!
Remember BELIEVE and CHANGE!
Sharing is caring – feel free to share my blog with your contacts – Thanks!
Follow Your Bliss & Resistance
The journey from the head to the heart is one of the hardest journeys you can take, such a short distance, but what a journey!
I have just realised that it’s not the promise of my dreams manifesting that keeps me going. At long last, it’s actually the journey itself that I’m enjoying. So many of my dreams have manifested – and they are even better than I ever imagined, and I’m excited to see the magic that emerges on the path of many, many more manifesting. What I’m learning to love more than the destination, are the learnings, adventures and growth walking the path that inspire and excite my heart and soul.
It reminds me of the words inscribed above the entrance of the Temple at Delphi, Greece; the oracle: “Above all else, know thyself.” Luckily, with that knowing comes self love…..
“Follow your bliss.
If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living
is the one you are living.
When you can see that,
you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid,
and doors will open
where you didn’t know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss,
doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.”
Resistance (Or The ‘Resist Dance’ if you’re avoiding it)
All sorts of resistance can crop up on the heart path. The resistance comes cloaked in many disguises; illness, blocks, doubts, beliefs, challenges, accidents and so on and so forth.
I made a short video about this, but I’d love to know how Resistance shows up in your life and what you do about it.
After I made this video, I continued to be gentle with myself, and the day after, I woke up between 5 & 6 am (my bliss time), I downloaded some ideas and wrote for an hour. Then I got up and made myself some breakfast to take to the beach, walked the dog on the beach and cliffs for about an hour, went for a swim (!!! my TOTAL bliss !!! but something I strangely don’t do too often even though the beach is at the end of my road). Then I wrote my ‘artists pages’; simply put three pages of whatever flows out onto the page; it’s a wonderful way to clear the mind and start the day (a la Julia Cameron in ‘The Artist’s Way’). Oh yes, and I had my toasted brie sandwich when I came out of the water – HEAVEN, it was still warm as it had been in the sun all that time. Cold disappeared… seems like I’ve moved through my resistance 😉
Note to self, write another blog soon about ‘ascension symptoms’ (illnesses that appear as the vibration of the planet and OUR vibration rise), but they are not ‘normal’ illness, and with TLC can disappear almost instantly. They can manifest as tiredness, lethargy, depression, insomnia, illness of any kind… they are all down to our vibration changing. The more you attach to ‘the illness you ‘think’ you have, the more power you’re giving it, and the more it will manifest. Instead, have a choice above all else to ‘be healthy’.
Feel free to connect with me if you’d like to learn how to have a love, rather than fear motivated focus, so that you manifest amazing health all the time, guided by the intuition and heart.
OMG I feel amaaaazing now, considering the change I’ve experienced in less than 24 hours just through doing what I love.
I LOVEEEE you!
I just read a post on Facebook by the wonderful Elizabeth Gilbert, author of ‘Eat Pray Love’ which was also a film starring Julia Roberts, and most recently the fabulous ‘Big Magic’.
Her post was a call to women to simply love themselves – ALL of themselves. This is totally my philosophy, and what I work with in sessions with clients – when you love whatever arises, you see the treasure in the tough times, and alchemise them into the next steps on your path to creating everything you love.
Having just spent some time totally confined to bed with the yukky ‘shingles’ – I’m slowly recovering as I integrate all the learnings and gifts I’ve received while ill. I did A LOT of soul searching over the last few weeks and among the realisations was this gem. It’s nothing new to me… but I got it, on a deeper, more profound, juicy level. I am celebrating!
You must love yourself… is this a cliche now?
How do we love ourselves?
Well, here’s Elizabeth Gilbert’s post. She poses a lot of questions, with a lot of gemstone answers!
I hope you enjoy it.
Credit Elizabeth Gilbert
I’m worried about something. I’m worried about how much we hate ourselves.
When I say “we”, I mean modern people in the developed Western world, primarily. And among that population, it is the women who hate themselves most of all — who harm themselves, sabotage themselves, bully themselves, undermine themselves, and speak to themselves in voices of unthinkable cruelty.
Increasingly, I believe that the vast majority of our suffering is a result of this epidemic. And I am CERTAIN that everything you want for your life — everything you want to feel and believe and become — is on the other side of that dark river of self-hatred and self-abuse.
We have to stop this.
I won’t be talking today about the causes of our self-hatred. I don’t want to drift into the easy blame of “the media’s images of women”, or “the patriarchy”, or “the internet” or “the emotional disconnect of the post-industrial world” or even “our fucked up families.” Because you know what? I DON’T KNOW. I’m not smart enough to know what this is all about, or where the self-hatred comes from. I just know that it’s prevalent, it’s contagious, it’s really dangerous, and that we are destroying ourselves with it.
Sharon Salzberg, the great American meditation master, tells a story about meeting the Dalai Lama in 1990. She asked him what he thought about self-hatred, and he replied, “Self-hatred? What is that?”
Seriously. He didn’t know what she was talking about. He kept probing: How could people be taught to hate THEMSELVES?
The room was filled with Western meditators, scientists, pyschologists, and researchers, and over the next hours they tried to explain it to the Dalai Lama — tried to answer his puzzled question of how a person could be taught to hate themself. But he remained puzzled. He said, at the end of it all, “I thought I had a good acquaintance with the mind, but now I feel quite ignorant. I find this very, very strange.”
Unlike the Dalai Lama, I know self-hatred inside and out, you guys. I know self-blame, shame, self-recrimination, and I have certainly experienced rage against my own machine. I know what it feels like to look at every molecule of your being (physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual) and declare: NOT GOOD ENOUGH, KID. And I know that this way lies madness. Madness and pain, and the death of all good things.
I also know this — that the answer is not to become A BETTER PERSON. The answer is not to IMPROVE. The answer is not TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. And this is coming from somebody who loves improving, who loves striving, and who is always trying to get her shit together. Look, trying to improve yourself is FINE, if that’s what you’re into. Exercise more, eat better, become more productive, de-clutter your house — whatever. Getting your shit together is very nice. Do all that stuff, if you want to. (I certainly do all that stuff, and I don’t judge it.) But understand this — PEACE WILL NOT BE FOUND THERE. Your house can be so tidy that you could invite Marie Kondo over for dinner with pride, and maybe someday you can achieve rock-hard abs, and maybe someday you could get out debt, and land your dream job, finally stop drinking….and you might STILL hate yourself.
Because the darkness of self-hatred is immune to any worldly accomplishment or success. Achievement does not touch the part of yourself who abuses yourself. The world is filled with highly successful and accomplished people who treat themselves horribly, who talk to themselves savagely, and who abuse themselves terribly. If you could see inside their heads and witness the dreadful conversations going on in there, you would be shocked. You would be shocked, and maybe you would cry. And maybe you would want to take that highly successful and deeply troubled person in your arms and say, “There, there, little small one…there, there…hush, hush…”
Peace will only be found when you can love all the parts of yourself that you have always hated.
I used to think that self-love would only come to me when I had “cleaned up my act” — only when I had gotten rid of all my bad behaviors, only when I had mastered my mind, only when I had driven out all the negative thoughts, only when I had forgiven everyone for everything, only when I had made amends for every mess I had ever caused, only when I could see divinity in everybody, only when I never lost my temper, only when I no longer experienced “bad” emotions like anger, jealousy, resentment, self-pity. In other words, I could not love myself until I had become WORTHY.
Which means…what? Which means: I believed that I could not love myself until I was some kind of polished golden orb of perfection, with an immaculately-controlled mind, a healthy body, and a totally clean record. Someone who would never make another misstep, never speak another unkind word, never be a fuck-up again in any way whatsoever…ever. Then I could love myself.
But who is that? Who is that person I have just described?
That person is nobody. That person is no human being who has ever lived.
And once you realize that, then you realize that we are all this same boat together. That everything you hate about yourself is nothing less than your HUMANITY. Your shared humanity. That you and I, and your neighbor Bob, and your awful sister-in-law, and all those shiny people on Instagram…that we all share the same human dilemma — that we all don’t totally know how to BE, and what to do with ourselves. We all have these strange minds full of incomprehensible thoughts. We all have these untrustworthy hearts that often want forbidden things. We all have these funny ape-like bodies with weird urges. We all have these enormous souls filled with a desperate longing for belonging.
You are no different from me, and I am no different from your neighbor Bob, and your neighbor Bob is no different from your awful sister-in-law, and your awful sister-in-law is no different from all those shiny people on Instagram. There is a massive sense of tenderness that comes over me when I remember that we are all the same in our shared dilemma of how to be a person. We are all in this together. We are a bizarre but beautiful species. And if you believe that human beings need love, and deserve love…then you must someday grow into the belief that YOU also need love and deserve love, and that you must stop being so stingy about giving it to yourself.
You must not think that love is something you give to yourself as a reward, only if you have earned it — like some kind of gold star sticker that you get to put on your homework today if you are good…but maybe not tomorrow, if you fuck up.
You have to give yourself love all the time.
Giving yourself love doesn’t mean that every day is spa day. (Although, hey. If you can swing it…) Giving yourself love doesn’t mean buying yourself fancy presents, or constantly treating yourself, or spoiling yourself. (You are not SEDUCING yourself, remember. You are not trying to get yourself in bed. You are just being kind and loving to yourself.) Giving yourself love doesn’t mean becoming Kanye-like in your insistence that you are the greatest.
You are not the greatest. But you are also not the WORST. And I bet there have been days of your life (maybe years of your life) where all you do is walk around telling yourself that you are the WORST. And I bet that nothing good has ever come out of that way of thinking.
You are not the greatest, and you are not the worst. You are just one of us.
I have tried a radical experiment recently. I call it: THE EXTREME LOVE EXPERIMENT.
Whenever I have a dark thought — a “forbidden” thought, like anger, jealousy, resentment, lust, shame, contempt — I immediately say to myself, “I love the part of you, Liz, who is full of anger right now.”
or: “I love the part of you who is ashamed of yourself right now.”
or: “I love the part of you who can’t stop judging yourself right now.”
or: “I love the part of you who feels weak and helpless right now.”
or: ‘I love the part of you who just had an explicitly violent fantasy about watching that person who is talking loudly on her cellphone suddenly have her head blow up.”
or: “I love the part of you who is still having an argument in your head with a man you haven’t talked to in 15 years.”
or: “I love the part of you who broke your New Year’s resolution on January 4th.”
or: “I love the part of you who believes that she is such a spiritual hypocrite, it’s ridiculous.”
or: “I love the vain/insecure part of you who stands in front of the mirror lifting up the dangly flesh on your neck and wondering if there’s some kind of plastic surgery for that.”
or: “I love the part of you who is jealous of that other novelist for winning that big award.”
I used to try to banish all those parts of myself. Because they were BAD. They were WRONG. They were UNEVOLVED. They were NEGATIVE.
But banishing the parts of myself that I hated has never worked. The more I try to banish them, the stronger they grow. The more I hated these parts of myself, the more they multiplied. It’s like my self-hatred was fertilizer — creating a dark, warm, nourishing environment for all those “bad” thoughts and impulses to grow…and as they grew, they destroyed me.
Now I just say to the dark thought, “I love this part of you”…and the dark thought loses its power.
I understand now that I am not a SELF. I am SELVES. I am thousands of different selves — and all of them are worthy of love.
To say, “I love you,” is the only force strong enough to diffuse darkness.
And here’s the crazy thing — this habit is starting to spread out of me, and I can now do it toward others.
For instance, I now have the capacity to think: “I love the part of my husband who is constantly interrupting me. This is just his weird humanity at play.”
Followed by: “And I love the part of me who gets so freaking irritated about how my husband is constantly interrupting me.”
Followed by: “I love the part of me who doesn’t really BELIEVE that I love the part of my husband who is constantly interrupting me.”
Followed by: “I love the part of me who is saying that this EXTREME LOVE EXPERIMENT is total bullshit, and it will never work.”
Followed by: “I love the part of me who wonders if I will ever truly love myself.”
And it goes on like that. But I go on, too. I just keep throwing love at everything that comes up…until finally it all gently quiets down.
And it does all finally gently quiet down.
I love all these dark parts of myself not because they are wonderful and adorable and perfect and fantastic, but because they are THERE. My dark bits are with me and they will likely always be with me. Just as your dark parts are with you and will likely always be with you. All that is there needs to be loved.
As they say: “It’s not a bug; it’s a FEATURE.”
Our humanity is not an ERROR. Our crazy thoughts are not MISTAKES. Our scary longings and giant failures and ongoing disasters are not ABERRATIONS.
This is merely what it is to be a person — messy, weird, inconsistent, doubtful. This is how we ARE, and that has to be OK, or else nobody is OK.
We are not some early Dell Computer Operating System, here to be de-bugged. We are not some new product for sale, here to be perfected. The goal is not to become an immaculate golden orb. The goal is to return to a place of kindness, where you can be gentle with yourself and others, no matter what arises. This requires, I think, a friendly sort of loving humor about who you are and who we all are. Why does the Dalai Lama have such a twinkle about him? Because he gets it. He gets that it’s kind of funny, how we are. Even when it’s terrible. The whole thing is…very, very strange. And that’s OK. It’s strange, but it’s sacred.
And I believe there no is gentler or safer place to stand on this earth than in a place where you can say to yourself, “I love every bit of you, you beautiful freak.”
The Buddha said it better, of course. The Buddha said, “You can search the whole world over and never find anyone as deserving of love as yourself.”
In other words: Be good to you, OK?
Please put down the knife you have been holding to your own throat. You don’t deserve that kind of abuse, and it won’t help.
Just try it. Try saying to your scariest bits: “I love this part of you.”
And then say it again to the next part…and the next part…and the next part…and the next part…and ONWARD.
Good luck in there.
Again credited to Elizabeth Gilbert, author, and pretty amazing wise woman.
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Yum yum yum… well I’m still in Ceremony, but I wanted to share my heart and the space I’m in.. . which is still ‘in between’. I feel happier, I had a BIG ‘aha’ moment during which the fairy lights in my bedroom which have been on and off for a while, but off for at least a month or two started working again! Lol. It was metaphorical for the fact that WE can start working (being on a high vibration, lit up, bringing SUCH incredible JOY), with the simplest little adjustment and checking in. That’s what happened with my lights, it was just ONE little bulb that had broken – there was actually not even any glass in it, so I took it out, and replaced it…da naaaa … bringing SUCH inredible joy, light and love….
I’m more in tune with my emotions, and I feel a heaviness, which translates as the emotion of sadness in my heart….
Still seeing where this is going.
Happy to have my adorable doggy companion Napoleon to be with me as the space holder today.
“Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself –
What you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing.
Recreate and repeat”
I am feeling like it’s ‘a day out of time’ – the day which is in between one Mayan calendar and another. I remember my first experience of feeling this way – I had no idea it was a day out of time, but I FELT it… I am feeling it again today.
Nowadays, it is SO rare for me to do a private chocolate ceremony… there was a time when I’d do one almost every day!
I am doing one today, and it feels like SUCH a treat. What’s so funny, is that I was totally sure I’d run out of my Ceremonial Grade Guatemalan (Mayan) chocolate but I just found a little stash, specially for this sacred ceremony 🙂
I’ve felt so ‘in between’ worlds the last few weeks, even though I’ve been spending a lot of time with friends and family visiting – I’ve still felt very ‘dreamlike’. I have a hiatus today… so I’m going into chocolate dream time and my intention is to come out awakened the other side… I have much to tune into. So many choices, so many paths ahead of me…
I am very much looking forward to the experience.
If you are being guided to do yoga, have a ceremony, or do whatever, which you know is great for your wellness, please pay attention. We ARE in a most powerful week astrologically, energetically – as above, so below. Pay heed, be gentle to yourself, and LOVE you!
Thank you for allowing me to share my ‘in between’ state… I set the intention that whatever you do, when you read this, will honour your HIGHEST path, your heart and soul. Honour where YOU are! The energies are gentler now, but still, as with The Spirit of Cacao… they are gentle yet POWERFUL!
If you are aware of your negative beliefs, it is soooo so so so important to focus on the opposite of those ‘normal’ default negative beliefs… I AM WORTHY LOVABLE CAPABLE I AM ENOUGH… etc. etc. etc.
So, whatever your predominant negative belief is about yourself, focus on the things that demonstrate the opposite, look at what you’ve created so far in your life, take that as proof of your Greatness. Be the adorable, loving, compassionate, FUN adult to your inner child.
I love you.
Please share this so that others can also be in this ‘time of no time’ and come out the other side the shining radiant light being that they are in essence.
See you on the other side… let me know how YOUR journey is going.
I will report back the other side, and join me in Ceremony to sample this magical elixir and create YOUR beautiful life.
London Ceremonies & Retreats & Ceremonies Worldwide click here for dates and info