It’s Time For Spring! 9 Steps To Celebrate The New
Today is the first day of spring in the northern hemisphere, referred to as “Imbolc” – it is also the feast day of St. Brigid which is celebrated worldwide. The Goddess Brigid, whose temple is in County Kildare, represents love, new beginnings, trust, and preparing the land for new seeds. The light has returned!
A super powerful day in itself, we also had a new moon a few days ago AND Chinese New Year of the Rooster.
Sooo, it’s a POWERFUL day to envision, dream and release. Think about those new years resolutions, or intentions… meditate on how they are going, celebrate, rather than beat yourself up if you’ve dropped some of them. That’s pretty much natural, so be gentle with yourself and use the power of nature to have another new beginning.
Below are a few suggestions as to how you can make the most of this super powerful transition time.
It’s Time For Spring! 9 Steps To Celebrate The New
- Visions Dreams Goals
Write down what you DO want on a white piece of paper. Imagine your life just as you would love it, and get clear on how you would love your ideal day to be. You are preparing the land (your life) for the new…
- Let Go
Write down what you want to let go of, and either safely burn the piece of paper or tear it up and throw it away… imagining letting go of what no longer serves you.
- Renewal, Rebirth – Focus On The New Light
If you have an altar, put some white items like feathers, shells and candles on it to focus on the new coming into your life. The days are getting longer, the sun is returning. It is a time of renewal, rebirth and cleansing so make the most of this powerful energy. You are energetically and metaphorically making room for the new, while signalling the release of what you do NOT want in your life.
Burn a candle in each room of your home to welcome back in the light of the sun, and the manifestation of your dreams. If you have incense or sage, burn that to clear the energy and space for the new. You can do this a few days either side of February 1. If you have a busy schedule, you can just imagine clearing the energy in your home, and office.
Be real about where you are in relation to your vision, or what you want to manifest, then get clear on what exactly you want 6 months from now. Be as tangible as you can…. How will you DEFINITIVELY know that you have manifested your dream?
- Be Present (The Power of Now… Wow)
Be gentle and FEEL what comes up when you see the gap between where you are and what you want… if it’s excitement, GREAT.. if it’s fear or similar, just feel it in your body… just being with it for a few seconds will transform it into POWER to manifest your dream.
Think about how you can contribute, if your dream is not already about serving others or the world, then see if you can add that ingredient – it makes manifesting what you love a lot easier! Service is an important ingredient in manifesting what we love.
You have done AMAZING work so far. You have set in stone your new vision. Take a deep breath while making a noise as you breathe in, and out… ideally the word ‘Aloha’ which breathes love and new life, love and divinity into your vision.
- TAKE ACTION…
Most importantly you must take action every day – even if it’s just IMAGINING your dream. It will not manifest on its own, daily action steps are what creates lasting change and wonderful lives.
Why not book a complimentary“Fantastic Life Fix 2017” strategy session – during this session you will:
- Get clarity on your BIG vision. The vision of your heart, what you came into this world to manifest; purpose, passion, abundance.
- Define what is standing in the way of manifesting it.
- Lay out clear steps to take to create what you love.
- Leave the session energised, renewed and ready to be the change you wish to see!
To claim your FREE “Fantastic Life Fix 2017” strategy session, just click here and choose a slot – these are limited to three per month, so take action, and book yours now.
The word Imbolc means literally “in the belly” in the old Irish Neolithic language it comes from the pregnant bellies of the ewes. We have the feast of St Brigid, Goddess of Light on February 1, so it’s time to trust your dreams and visions…. that are held in your sacred hara (another word for ‘belly’).
Make sure you are focussing on what you want… if figures in politics, or celebrities, or others are triggering you, then bring your attention WITHIN… could this be your creation? Do they represent what you detest? Simply acknowledge that they might be triggering you because they are a teacher to show you what you still need to heal. My favourite line ‘you gotta feel it to heal it’. FEEL what they are triggering whether it be anger, fear, hopelessness… breathe into the feeling… then come back to peace (which naturally happens when you just breathe and be with the feeling). The external world, mirrors your internal world… it is all just a projection. When you feel amazing, your world is amazing. I promise 🙂
Claim your FREE “Fantastic Life Fix” strategy session now … simply click here and choose your slot.
Comment below – what does this make you feel?
Does it resonate?
What are the people who irritate you showing you?
What are politicians etc. trying to teach you or show you?
Sharing is caring – please share this with your network.
Muchas love to you beautiful one and Happy spring, Imbolc and St. Brigid’s Day.
Let me emphasise that these FREE “Fantastic Life Fix 2017” strategy sessions are limited, so click here to book yours now.
Here’s a tool to guide you through Christmas so you have a SUPER awesome time 🙂
We’re at the end of a MAHUSIVE cycle… in Shamanic Terms, the number 9 – which is the year we’ve just had (2 + 0 + 1 + 6 = 9) is sometimes considered the year of commitment… to your path and yourself.
Sooo that means next year, we’ve got a one year (2 + 0 + 1 + 7 = 10 and 10 + 1 = 1)…. It’s time for NEW BEGINNINGS…. sooo exciting. The 1 year in Shamanic terms represents TRUST… it’s time to trust the process we’ve been through, trust that we ARE already DIVINE MAGNIFICENT PERFECT BEINGS… and live life according to that.
We’ll be walking in the light of our GREATNESS and literally every day now, since solstice the light is growing…. OUR light is growing. Look for ways you can see your life improving – even in the perceived ‘tough’ times – remember there are always SUCH gifts.
I love you – Happy Christmas x
Anxiety & Panic Attacks; 3 Tips For Happiness & Success
Do you ever suffer with anxiety or panic attacks? I share the Top 3 Tips For Anxiety and Panic… and why there’s a MASSIVE gift waiting for you. Often, the thing we fear most is the thing our heart yearns for more than we can imagine…
It’s early morning, the sun is breaking through the top of the mountain range out of my window and I was instantly called to write this piece as I got a sense of panic in my heart. My heart rate increased and that’s it…. luckily I was able to stop it there.
There was a time when I would go straight into a panic attack, followed by depression, and worse. My mind would come up with all sorts of reasons why it was happening which would only exacerbate the situation. Before I knew it, I’d be off, creating some crazy, dramatic scenario of doom in my life with the crazy monkey mind in control. Often, I wouldn’t even realise my heart was beating fast, and the thoughts had control until it was too late. It was an automatic reaction, starting with a thought, a feeling and then transitioning in warp speed time to the feeling of impending doom, and fear for survival.
Definition of Anxiety
The Oxford English Dictionary definition of ‘anxiety‘ is:
A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
A Strong desire or concern to do something or for something to happen.
In my opinion, it is an unbearable feeling. It is usually totally out of proportion with the thought, or situation that triggered it, and it makes you feel like you’re going to die! It’s very often linked with depression, which is at the far end of the spectrum to it, a slower vibration, but the feeling can be just as soul destroying. The good news is that it’s just your body giving you a signal; read on….
What To Do?
If you experience any of these symptoms, the short term solutions are:
- Acknowledge it. Don’t fight it. Admit to yourself what is happening… “It is just a panic attack/anxiety, I am not going to die”. Notice that it is just a physical reaction.
- Breathe! When you acknowledge, rather than fight the attack, and the feelings that come with it, you step into your power. You become CONSCIOUS.
- Get Physical. Get clarity on what coping mechanisms work for you. Feel your feet planted on the ground. Shake your hands, run on the spot, or dance! There are some great aromatherapy oils, and rescue remedies (get recommendations from your local health food store) that can give immediate relief. Having clarity on what triggers you so that you have them handy at all times – whether needed or not is great for peace of mind.
“The only difference between fear and excitement, is the breath.”
Anxiety and depression are two of the the most common illnesses worldwide. In the US alone, they cost about $40 billion per year!
Remember to stop and smell the flowers….
“A ship in port is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.”
How To Prevent It?
Long term, many would recommend seeing a healthcare professional (and I guess, as a professional I have to recommend that), but there are other ways to deal with it.
I have worked with a lot of women who suffered from anxiety for many years, and they have transformed into wildly successful businesswomen. Their big dreams are manifesting, and many more are STILL coming true. Their relationships have improved, their self esteem has grown… The anxiety was a BIG prompt for them to change their life… so they could receive more of its magnificence.
Many of these women had been living a life of compromise, they had money worries, they were not happy with their relationships or health – in short and they were unhappy, miserable, and some had almost given up on life….
More often than not, somewhere, deep down, hidden in their heart was a dream. A big dream that simply wouldn’t go away…. no matter how much they tried to squash it back down, and no matter how many years they gained behind them…..
Instead, it bubbled up with all sorts of ailments, unhappiness, and manifested in anxiety and depression. It was a dream that they thought was impossible… Some days they would hide under the duvet, too full of misery, and hatred for themselves… for not taking that big leap. Other days it manifested as anxiety or depression. They simply couldn’t bring themselves to go out the front door…. it was insidious, it crept up like a cold wind bringing fear, and tales of a life half lived. More often than not, they were not even conscious of what was happening… they just drowned in a life half-lived, with a vague smile on their face…. but sadness in their heart and misery in their being. If any of this resonates, remember you CAN manifest your dream and …
You do not need ‘fixing’.
You do not need healing.
You do not need to analyse the situation or yourself.
You do not need to control it.
You do not need to judge it, or judge yourself for having it.
In the moment, you simply need to do NOTHING… nothing which involves FEELING it. It might seem super scary, but there’s a powerful system I use with my clients which allows them to easily, effortlessly, feel and heal whatever is going on with them. Unless you actually FEEL it, it will keep coming up, triggered by anything and everything until you go INTO the feeling.
In that feeling, there is a POWERFUL message!
I have a message for you too – I am here to tell you – YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!
You CAN manifest that dream. You are not here to work all the days of your life in a gray office. Whatever your dream is, you CAN manifest it. We are not given dreams and desires, without the ability to manifest them. You ARE here to do work you love, to have a fantastic relationship, to write your book, whatever YOUR dream is. So, throw off the bowlines, push away from the shore and start taking action on manifesting your dream! If you don’t know where to start, contact me and we can have a chat and set up a plan of action… guided by the heart, taking the head along on the journey.
You are here to leave a legacy, you are here to step OUT of your comfort zone (which is really a discomfort zone), there is MUCH more comfort when you are out in the world, shining as you were born to do. Creating what you came here to create!
If you would like clarity on what it is you are really here to do, or you need help dealing with anxiety, depression or the like, then complete the ‘Subscribe’ button at the very bottom of this page, or the popup menu and either myself or one of my team will be in touch with you.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbour.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Extra Tip – Acupressure
If you get that anxious feeling, there’s a great acupressure point called “Heart 7” – which is also great for insomnia. Hold it for a few seconds, and your heart will calm down, and your mind will relax.
Click here for information on how to locate it, or simply hold out a hand with the palm up, then with the thumb of the other hand, follow the dip between the bones of the ring and little fingers, up to the wrist crease… you will find a dip, this is Heart 7. Hold it gently, while breathing deeply and relax and enjoy. Some acupressure points are contraindicated if you are pregnant, but this one is okay.
Complete the ‘subscribe’ box below for more guidance.
Please share this blog so we can guide and empower other women. I’d love to know if this resonates, and what YOU do to relieve your anxiety and other emotions that arise.
A new moon is a time to herald in new beginnings… AND to consciously let go of what is not longer serving you.
More tips below, to ensure you have a POWERFUL month.
- Set an intention and decide what you would like to have manifested, or changed by this time next month.
- Visualise it, allow yourself to FEEL the feeling of it.
- Forget about it, let it go… relax in the knowing that it, or something better will manifest.
- Keep your vibration high – through exercise, meditation, watching your thoughts, avoiding gossip, being GENTLE with yourself and feeding yourself with yummy, healthy food, water and thoughts!
- Treat others as you would like to be treated.
- Give yourself a frickin break! We can be SO hard on ourselves, at the end of the day it’s only ourselves who stands in the way of what we love manifesting, so be gentle with yourself, and believe everything is happening for your highest good.
- This is a great time to focus on what you want to let go of, leaving room for what you want to manifest. Do you want to let go of certain beliefs (I’m not lovable, I’m not good enough, I’m not capable and so on …), or maybe you want to welcome in a new discipline like regular exercise and meditation. You have the power of the moon to support your new beginnings and intention.
- BELIEVE and CHANGE….
(Check out this blog click here, for the different stages to manifestation).
New Moon Dates & Times in your area….
The time before the new moon, as the old one dwindles is the void, or ‘dark moon’ as it is known. It occurs 2/3 days before and after the new moon, when her power is still waning (before the new moon), and waxing or building (after the new moon). It is a powerful time for to plant seeds as the power of the moon works positively with them. It’s also a great time to metaphorically plant seeds in the form of new ideas, inspiration, dreams.
This month, it is particularly important to have DISCIPLINE regarding your focus; focus only on what you do want. That is not a word I use often (discipline), but I do believe, that when you do what you love, you don’t ‘need’ discipline in your life… but right now, we need discipline and clarity of focus. We need to be disciplined about our diet ( not necessarily food), but have discipline regarding the thoughts you are feeding yourself with. What are you feeling? Are your thoughts serving you or leading to feelings of depression, sadness, anger… it’s fine if they are, just allow yourself to ‘feel em to heal em’, then you leave room for the magic, and high vibrational thoughts and feelings.
What are you feeding yourself with?
I had shingles earlier this year, and since then I’ve been a massive fan of Netflix. My current fave is ‘House of Cards’, which I adore. I’m SUPER sensitive, so I have to be really careful about what I watch – I just don’t enjoy watching ‘violent’ things. Anyway, I noticed that my vibration dipped during/after I watched it. Even though it’s amazingly well produced, with a great storyline, it is NOT the world I want to live in. I know it’s not true, but I also know that some of it is not too far from the truth of the world; especially today.
So, I got really STRONG guidance that these time around the new moon are VERY important and I must fill my consciousness with love, light and yummy things.
If you are familiar with visioning, soul path readings, life purpose or parallel reality endorsement, or you’ve worked with me, you’ll know that there is already a version of you, living your dreams, living in your version of ‘Heaven on Earth’… so the new moon is an especially powerful time to focus on that. Chat with the parallel you, have fun with them, ask their guidance if you need that, check in with them. The more you connect with them, the easier your awesome reality has of manifesting. Give the negative dramas a rest, just for a few days.
When I tune into the current energies, I get the vision of a void… which is what this time of the moon’s cycle is all about. It is also about a natural space which has been created – and it is waiting to be filled up, as the saying goes; “Nature abhors a vacuum“. Focus on your dreams, visions, and what you DO want. If you have any chaos or conflict in your life, focus on the end result you would love – an outcome which leaves ALL parties involved content.
Dark and Light
People often think that being ‘spiritual’ is being ‘good’ (which can sometimes be powerless). This couldn’t be further from the truth. Being ‘spiritual’ is being complete. Loving ALL of you. You might have parts that you sometimes feel ashamed of – lazy, bitchy, greedy, needy etc. Until you OWN them, and love them ‘Loving what arises’ they will continue to have the power. Often we NEED to let our ‘bitchy’ self have the floor… or the ‘lazy’ self…. Just keep an awareness of those parts of yourself, and keep them in balance…
Kilauea Volcano – Hawai’i. Home of Pele, Goddess of Divine Creative Power….
This photo is a visit I made to see Goddess Pele who is a MASSIVE presence in Hawaii. Her home is the fire – the volcanoes, the lava… I visited her to ask for guidance on one of my BIG dreams, and I had just had a ceremony and made an offering to her.
I was literally blown away when I saw that she is coming out of my heart in the photo (the ginormous volcano is behind me)…. She showed me that YOU have the power – it is within you, when you move past your challenges, negative thoughts and beliefs you unleash the power within… YOU CAN DO IT!
Here’s a little new moon exercise for you. She is VERY present in this photo, so tune into her and ask her for guidance; A)) What do I need to let go of? B)) What is it time to welcome in? C)) What is the dream I’ve been too afraid to manifest until now? This is VERY powerful time to grab your dreams by the you know whats and make them happen!
This is a great time to focus on what you want to let go of, leaving room for what you want to manifest. Do you want to let go of certain beliefs (I’m not lovable, I’m not good enough, I’m not capable, I don’t have the time/money and so on …). Maybe you want to welcome in a new discipline like regular exercise or meditation. You have the power of the moon to support your new beginnings and intention. If you would like clarity on your BIG dream, the one your heart wants to manifest (rather than your head), and know the path your soul is calling you to take, hit me up and we can chat about a session or programme.
Shadow & Light
“You’ve gotta love your shadow.” Peter Pan.
There is nothing wrong with any part of you… often, it’s what you’re telling yourself about those parts that is the ‘problem‘. I do use the word ‘problem’ lightly – because it is not a problem… it’s only a problem if you deny it (and keep it in the shadow… in the dark).
When you can love ALL of you, you are complete. You won’t manifest drama or situations where that part will have to be healed. Instead, you will be aware of it, and let it come out, in a balanced way, when needed.
Shadow in balance
I like to use the example of when I had builders in my London flat and they were taking soooo long. I was literally joking that one day they’d simply move in, they were taking so long. In the end I had to let my ‘bitchy’ self have the reins and demand that they focus entirely on the job, do it very well, and stick to an agreed schedule. It worked! So it’s not ‘bad’ to bring out those parts of you that you might feel ashamed of – you wouldn’t have that part unless it had a job! So, maybe it needs to be more in balance, or needs recognition, or balance. whatever it is, acknowledge it, then love it – in fact love the absolute fabulousness of it!
I love you – happy new moon!
Remember BELIEVE and CHANGE!
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I look forward to seeing you!
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Follow Your Bliss & Resistance
The journey from the head to the heart is one of the hardest journeys you can take, such a short distance, but what a journey!
I have just realised that it’s not the promise of my dreams manifesting that keeps me going. At long last, it’s actually the journey itself that I’m enjoying. So many of my dreams have manifested – and they are even better than I ever imagined, and I’m excited to see the magic that emerges on the path of many, many more manifesting. What I’m learning to love more than the destination, are the learnings, adventures and growth walking the path that inspire and excite my heart and soul.
It reminds me of the words inscribed above the entrance of the Temple at Delphi, Greece; the oracle: “Above all else, know thyself.” Luckily, with that knowing comes self love…..
“Follow your bliss.
If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living
is the one you are living.
When you can see that,
you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid,
and doors will open
where you didn’t know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss,
doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.”
Resistance (Or The ‘Resist Dance’ if you’re avoiding it)
All sorts of resistance can crop up on the heart path. The resistance comes cloaked in many disguises; illness, blocks, doubts, beliefs, challenges, accidents and so on and so forth.
I made a short video about this, but I’d love to know how Resistance shows up in your life and what you do about it.
After I made this video, I continued to be gentle with myself, and the day after, I woke up between 5 & 6 am (my bliss time), I downloaded some ideas and wrote for an hour. Then I got up and made myself some breakfast to take to the beach, walked the dog on the beach and cliffs for about an hour, went for a swim (!!! my TOTAL bliss !!! but something I strangely don’t do too often even though the beach is at the end of my road). Then I wrote my ‘artists pages’; simply put three pages of whatever flows out onto the page; it’s a wonderful way to clear the mind and start the day (a la Julia Cameron in ‘The Artist’s Way’). Oh yes, and I had my toasted brie sandwich when I came out of the water – HEAVEN, it was still warm as it had been in the sun all that time. Cold disappeared… seems like I’ve moved through my resistance 😉
Note to self, write another blog soon about ‘ascension symptoms’ (illnesses that appear as the vibration of the planet and OUR vibration rise), but they are not ‘normal’ illness, and with TLC can disappear almost instantly. They can manifest as tiredness, lethargy, depression, insomnia, illness of any kind… they are all down to our vibration changing. The more you attach to ‘the illness you ‘think’ you have, the more power you’re giving it, and the more it will manifest. Instead, have a choice above all else to ‘be healthy’.
Feel free to connect with me if you’d like to learn how to have a love, rather than fear motivated focus, so that you manifest amazing health all the time, guided by the intuition and heart.
OMG I feel amaaaazing now, considering the change I’ve experienced in less than 24 hours just through doing what I love.
I LOVEEEE you!
Focus creates reality is one of my favourite premises.
It reminds me of an ancient principle which goes as follows:
Energy flows where attention goes.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
It’s deep and I could talk about it for ages but today I want to share a little magic story. I was walking along the beach, totally in awe at the beauty of nature, and my luck and the magic and absolute beauty where I live. I said to myself, with a big grin on myself, marvelling at the light weaving in and out, as the palm trees swayed lovingly, kissing the exuberant blue of heaven above; ‘Oh my God…I live in Magic Land.’ I uttered… smiling as I continued to wander along the beach.
Anyway I walked along and after witnessing more shows of splendid beauty, a rainbow appeared, not in the sky, but under a palm tree… the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet arcing from the ground to the trunk of the tree…..
And then… if that wasn’t magical enough, the colours hinting at the possibility of ethereal beings being present, look who was sitting at the other side of the rainbow…
Wherever our attention is focused, that is what we manifest.
That’s why it’s sooo important to focus on what you love. I am not recommending that you turn a blind eye to other stuff – the ‘stuff’, your worries, anything that is a concern… be real about it, don’t bury your head in the sand, but don’t focus on it alone. Put most of your focus on how you would love life to be… then that is what manifests. It’s like shareholders in the company, if you have 51% shares, then you have power in the company. It’s the same with our visions, if you’re focussed 51% or more on what you love… then that is what will manifest. Same with worries… if you’re focussed on the path you DON’T want to walk.. that will manifest. I spent a lot of time recently focussed on things that might go wrong… I hit a tough time in my life, and even though I know this stuff, I couldn’t help it.. sooo I manifested some grim ole times. Maybe I did so, so that I could share with such wisdom now. I was focussed on the path I feared… and yes, that manifested.
So, focus on what you WOULD love.
Keep my favourite question at the forefront of your mind… ‘What would I love?’
When you have a problem, and you keep your focus on it, and you apportion blame outside of yourself, so you continue to manifest more of the same problems. If you do not take 100% responsibility for your life and everything in it, you are powerless to change! You will keep manifesting the same situation. When you accept 100% responsibility you are taking a powerful step towards changing the reality you do not love, and in turn, manifesting your dreams.
If you would like to know more about this, especially relating to your money flow, click here to download my money report; “The Top 3 Money Mistakes Women Make” and discover how to bring more abundance into your life).
Please share this blog with your friends and on social media.
Your Dreams ARE Manifesting!
We’ve just had a super powerful solar eclipse, and a new moon. The energies are HIGH – high for manifesting. Although you might also be feeling headachey, coldy, moods up and down… a lot of the commonly referred to ‘Ascension Symptoms’. They are different now, because we are more light, having got rid of a great deal of our density. We’re now clearing patterns, memories, so we can move into our new world and RECEIVE our dreams. You know you can change those in 30 days or less? It’s true! We have the Vernal Equinox on March 19/20 and we’re in a process of rapid acceleration towards a higher vibration after that date. So, be gentle with yourself – keep focussing on your dreams and visions, and when you’re guided to nap/rest – PLEASE do so. That’s the time you connect with your soul, and get your mind out of the way for more downloads, clarity and guidance.
Here’s an inspirational vlog from me to remind you how ace you are and you ARE in the right place at the right time.
Please share this post, others need reminding that all is well!
Happy International Women’s Day to you!
The theme this year is “#OneDayIWill”… watch the vid for more info! Have a magical, marvellous, mystical day you wonderful woman – and you man.
I just read a post on Facebook by the wonderful Elizabeth Gilbert, author of ‘Eat Pray Love’ which was also a film starring Julia Roberts, and most recently the fabulous ‘Big Magic’.
Her post was a call to women to simply love themselves – ALL of themselves. This is totally my philosophy, and what I work with in sessions with clients – when you love whatever arises, you see the treasure in the tough times, and alchemise them into the next steps on your path to creating everything you love.
Having just spent some time totally confined to bed with the yukky ‘shingles’ – I’m slowly recovering as I integrate all the learnings and gifts I’ve received while ill. I did A LOT of soul searching over the last few weeks and among the realisations was this gem. It’s nothing new to me… but I got it, on a deeper, more profound, juicy level. I am celebrating!
You must love yourself… is this a cliche now?
How do we love ourselves?
Well, here’s Elizabeth Gilbert’s post. She poses a lot of questions, with a lot of gemstone answers!
I hope you enjoy it.
Credit Elizabeth Gilbert
I’m worried about something. I’m worried about how much we hate ourselves.
When I say “we”, I mean modern people in the developed Western world, primarily. And among that population, it is the women who hate themselves most of all — who harm themselves, sabotage themselves, bully themselves, undermine themselves, and speak to themselves in voices of unthinkable cruelty.
Increasingly, I believe that the vast majority of our suffering is a result of this epidemic. And I am CERTAIN that everything you want for your life — everything you want to feel and believe and become — is on the other side of that dark river of self-hatred and self-abuse.
We have to stop this.
I won’t be talking today about the causes of our self-hatred. I don’t want to drift into the easy blame of “the media’s images of women”, or “the patriarchy”, or “the internet” or “the emotional disconnect of the post-industrial world” or even “our fucked up families.” Because you know what? I DON’T KNOW. I’m not smart enough to know what this is all about, or where the self-hatred comes from. I just know that it’s prevalent, it’s contagious, it’s really dangerous, and that we are destroying ourselves with it.
Sharon Salzberg, the great American meditation master, tells a story about meeting the Dalai Lama in 1990. She asked him what he thought about self-hatred, and he replied, “Self-hatred? What is that?”
Seriously. He didn’t know what she was talking about. He kept probing: How could people be taught to hate THEMSELVES?
The room was filled with Western meditators, scientists, pyschologists, and researchers, and over the next hours they tried to explain it to the Dalai Lama — tried to answer his puzzled question of how a person could be taught to hate themself. But he remained puzzled. He said, at the end of it all, “I thought I had a good acquaintance with the mind, but now I feel quite ignorant. I find this very, very strange.”
Unlike the Dalai Lama, I know self-hatred inside and out, you guys. I know self-blame, shame, self-recrimination, and I have certainly experienced rage against my own machine. I know what it feels like to look at every molecule of your being (physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual) and declare: NOT GOOD ENOUGH, KID. And I know that this way lies madness. Madness and pain, and the death of all good things.
I also know this — that the answer is not to become A BETTER PERSON. The answer is not to IMPROVE. The answer is not TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. And this is coming from somebody who loves improving, who loves striving, and who is always trying to get her shit together. Look, trying to improve yourself is FINE, if that’s what you’re into. Exercise more, eat better, become more productive, de-clutter your house — whatever. Getting your shit together is very nice. Do all that stuff, if you want to. (I certainly do all that stuff, and I don’t judge it.) But understand this — PEACE WILL NOT BE FOUND THERE. Your house can be so tidy that you could invite Marie Kondo over for dinner with pride, and maybe someday you can achieve rock-hard abs, and maybe someday you could get out debt, and land your dream job, finally stop drinking….and you might STILL hate yourself.
Because the darkness of self-hatred is immune to any worldly accomplishment or success. Achievement does not touch the part of yourself who abuses yourself. The world is filled with highly successful and accomplished people who treat themselves horribly, who talk to themselves savagely, and who abuse themselves terribly. If you could see inside their heads and witness the dreadful conversations going on in there, you would be shocked. You would be shocked, and maybe you would cry. And maybe you would want to take that highly successful and deeply troubled person in your arms and say, “There, there, little small one…there, there…hush, hush…”
Peace will only be found when you can love all the parts of yourself that you have always hated.
I used to think that self-love would only come to me when I had “cleaned up my act” — only when I had gotten rid of all my bad behaviors, only when I had mastered my mind, only when I had driven out all the negative thoughts, only when I had forgiven everyone for everything, only when I had made amends for every mess I had ever caused, only when I could see divinity in everybody, only when I never lost my temper, only when I no longer experienced “bad” emotions like anger, jealousy, resentment, self-pity. In other words, I could not love myself until I had become WORTHY.
Which means…what? Which means: I believed that I could not love myself until I was some kind of polished golden orb of perfection, with an immaculately-controlled mind, a healthy body, and a totally clean record. Someone who would never make another misstep, never speak another unkind word, never be a fuck-up again in any way whatsoever…ever. Then I could love myself.
But who is that? Who is that person I have just described?
That person is nobody. That person is no human being who has ever lived.
And once you realize that, then you realize that we are all this same boat together. That everything you hate about yourself is nothing less than your HUMANITY. Your shared humanity. That you and I, and your neighbor Bob, and your awful sister-in-law, and all those shiny people on Instagram…that we all share the same human dilemma — that we all don’t totally know how to BE, and what to do with ourselves. We all have these strange minds full of incomprehensible thoughts. We all have these untrustworthy hearts that often want forbidden things. We all have these funny ape-like bodies with weird urges. We all have these enormous souls filled with a desperate longing for belonging.
You are no different from me, and I am no different from your neighbor Bob, and your neighbor Bob is no different from your awful sister-in-law, and your awful sister-in-law is no different from all those shiny people on Instagram. There is a massive sense of tenderness that comes over me when I remember that we are all the same in our shared dilemma of how to be a person. We are all in this together. We are a bizarre but beautiful species. And if you believe that human beings need love, and deserve love…then you must someday grow into the belief that YOU also need love and deserve love, and that you must stop being so stingy about giving it to yourself.
You must not think that love is something you give to yourself as a reward, only if you have earned it — like some kind of gold star sticker that you get to put on your homework today if you are good…but maybe not tomorrow, if you fuck up.
You have to give yourself love all the time.
Giving yourself love doesn’t mean that every day is spa day. (Although, hey. If you can swing it…) Giving yourself love doesn’t mean buying yourself fancy presents, or constantly treating yourself, or spoiling yourself. (You are not SEDUCING yourself, remember. You are not trying to get yourself in bed. You are just being kind and loving to yourself.) Giving yourself love doesn’t mean becoming Kanye-like in your insistence that you are the greatest.
You are not the greatest. But you are also not the WORST. And I bet there have been days of your life (maybe years of your life) where all you do is walk around telling yourself that you are the WORST. And I bet that nothing good has ever come out of that way of thinking.
You are not the greatest, and you are not the worst. You are just one of us.
I have tried a radical experiment recently. I call it: THE EXTREME LOVE EXPERIMENT.
Whenever I have a dark thought — a “forbidden” thought, like anger, jealousy, resentment, lust, shame, contempt — I immediately say to myself, “I love the part of you, Liz, who is full of anger right now.”
or: “I love the part of you who is ashamed of yourself right now.”
or: “I love the part of you who can’t stop judging yourself right now.”
or: “I love the part of you who feels weak and helpless right now.”
or: ‘I love the part of you who just had an explicitly violent fantasy about watching that person who is talking loudly on her cellphone suddenly have her head blow up.”
or: “I love the part of you who is still having an argument in your head with a man you haven’t talked to in 15 years.”
or: “I love the part of you who broke your New Year’s resolution on January 4th.”
or: “I love the part of you who believes that she is such a spiritual hypocrite, it’s ridiculous.”
or: “I love the vain/insecure part of you who stands in front of the mirror lifting up the dangly flesh on your neck and wondering if there’s some kind of plastic surgery for that.”
or: “I love the part of you who is jealous of that other novelist for winning that big award.”
I used to try to banish all those parts of myself. Because they were BAD. They were WRONG. They were UNEVOLVED. They were NEGATIVE.
But banishing the parts of myself that I hated has never worked. The more I try to banish them, the stronger they grow. The more I hated these parts of myself, the more they multiplied. It’s like my self-hatred was fertilizer — creating a dark, warm, nourishing environment for all those “bad” thoughts and impulses to grow…and as they grew, they destroyed me.
Now I just say to the dark thought, “I love this part of you”…and the dark thought loses its power.
I understand now that I am not a SELF. I am SELVES. I am thousands of different selves — and all of them are worthy of love.
To say, “I love you,” is the only force strong enough to diffuse darkness.
And here’s the crazy thing — this habit is starting to spread out of me, and I can now do it toward others.
For instance, I now have the capacity to think: “I love the part of my husband who is constantly interrupting me. This is just his weird humanity at play.”
Followed by: “And I love the part of me who gets so freaking irritated about how my husband is constantly interrupting me.”
Followed by: “I love the part of me who doesn’t really BELIEVE that I love the part of my husband who is constantly interrupting me.”
Followed by: “I love the part of me who is saying that this EXTREME LOVE EXPERIMENT is total bullshit, and it will never work.”
Followed by: “I love the part of me who wonders if I will ever truly love myself.”
And it goes on like that. But I go on, too. I just keep throwing love at everything that comes up…until finally it all gently quiets down.
And it does all finally gently quiet down.
I love all these dark parts of myself not because they are wonderful and adorable and perfect and fantastic, but because they are THERE. My dark bits are with me and they will likely always be with me. Just as your dark parts are with you and will likely always be with you. All that is there needs to be loved.
As they say: “It’s not a bug; it’s a FEATURE.”
Our humanity is not an ERROR. Our crazy thoughts are not MISTAKES. Our scary longings and giant failures and ongoing disasters are not ABERRATIONS.
This is merely what it is to be a person — messy, weird, inconsistent, doubtful. This is how we ARE, and that has to be OK, or else nobody is OK.
We are not some early Dell Computer Operating System, here to be de-bugged. We are not some new product for sale, here to be perfected. The goal is not to become an immaculate golden orb. The goal is to return to a place of kindness, where you can be gentle with yourself and others, no matter what arises. This requires, I think, a friendly sort of loving humor about who you are and who we all are. Why does the Dalai Lama have such a twinkle about him? Because he gets it. He gets that it’s kind of funny, how we are. Even when it’s terrible. The whole thing is…very, very strange. And that’s OK. It’s strange, but it’s sacred.
And I believe there no is gentler or safer place to stand on this earth than in a place where you can say to yourself, “I love every bit of you, you beautiful freak.”
The Buddha said it better, of course. The Buddha said, “You can search the whole world over and never find anyone as deserving of love as yourself.”
In other words: Be good to you, OK?
Please put down the knife you have been holding to your own throat. You don’t deserve that kind of abuse, and it won’t help.
Just try it. Try saying to your scariest bits: “I love this part of you.”
And then say it again to the next part…and the next part…and the next part…and the next part…and ONWARD.
Good luck in there.
Again credited to Elizabeth Gilbert, author, and pretty amazing wise woman.
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