Help! 4 Steps Back To The Light….

4 (or more) Steps Back To The Light

I started this blog many weeks ago; as I sat at my keyboard, with tears dripping softly down my cheeks not knowing what was going to appear on the screen as I typed.

This journey of learning has resembled the honey, spiralling from my spoon into my Sacred Chocolate drink, kissing it gently as its sweetness is greeted thankfully by the bittersweet beverage…

As the magical effects of the Ancient Brew reach my gentlest parts, I stop and acknowledge emotions which I’ve been avoiding, as I surrender and dive in head first.

I must admit that I find it easier to inspire with stories of travels to paradise destinations, dancing under the stars and sacred ceremonies.  However, today I show up in the truth of current reality as I share the journey, with no clue of the destination.  I do know, however that I need to take that first step, into the unknown …  again.


Looking back, I had no clue what would be necessary to move me out of that dark, cold, depressed state.  As the honey continued to spiral, I mused at the wonder of my life and all my dreams which have manifested to an awareness of an underlying deep misery.  Less a feeling, more an avoidance of feeling.  All the while, I continue to chart my journey, destination unknown, taking step by step towards the birth of this blog.  My end result is that these words will be a ray of inspiration to others in a dark place, because along with the birth will be my own shedding of the cocoon and metamorphosing into a new level of my power (more about that in another blog).

I told friends and family that I was feeling down, and surprisingly, they didn’t disown me.  I can laugh now at the fact that it took a lot of bravery to admit it, but I had a program from childhood, which was a successful survival mechanism to show up as ‘Merry Gerri’.  Even though I don’t need it anymore, it still kicks in and I find it difficult to be real and vulnerable.  But realness and vulnerability allows others to get closer.  When I admitted my state of being to those close to me, I was warmly consoled by my nearest and dearest, and a few new, wonderful friends whose presence alone was a healing gift; their response was soft, gentle and delight that I too, am human.

Looking back on the day I started writing, I can say that I am pleased to be out of that phase, I am grateful for that time and I wouldn’t change it for the world.  The ‘story/s’ of why I was feeling like that are not important; in fact, telling the stories now, or spending time wallowing in the details then would have been another way of avoiding the feelings, which would eventually alchemise them.  When we get stuck in stories; ‘they said this’, ‘she did that’ etc. etc. we’re just avoiding our own emotions and what other’s actions bring up in us.  It’s never about the other, it’s always about us.

I know that anyone who shows up in my reality has come as a guide to show me what I need to learn; and I am grateful for all of them.

Here are the steps that guided me back into my bliss, I hope they resonate with you.

1. Feel It To Heal It

You have got to feel it, to heal it.

By allowing our emotions to be, observing them, feeling them, we are giving them space to naturally dissipate.

The ego loves to find ways to distract us from simply feeling the feelings.  If we ignore our feelings, we will just continue to manifest situations that bring up those feelings…. until we do feel them.

According to Psychology Professor Kristin Neff, Ph.D., of the University of Texas, “If you get mentally lost in blaming yourself, or others, you prolong your suffering, but if you simply allow yourself to feel the emotion and let it run its course – which is often a wave that builds and tapers off—it dissipates much more quickly.”

‘Pain is inherent. Suffering is optional.’

Joseph Campbell

It touched my soul when I heard of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death, and the sad circumstances surrounding it.  Recently while travelling, I noticed the various ways whole nations try and bury their pain.  Popular ways include alcohol, drugs, materialism, sex, overwork, the list continues.  I’ve become more conscious over the years of what I do to resolve my tension.  Rather than sitting with my feelings, I used to bury them.  So now, rather than having a glass of wine as a habit, I check in to see if there’s an emotion I’m trying to cover up, if so, I let the feeling be.  Again, it’s about checking into the motivation; love or fear?

When I let the feeling be, and I feel it, what emerges is peace, happiness and then a beautiful spurt of inspiration or creative ideas.

When I say ‘feel your feelings’, it really does mean, take time, lie down and FEEL what’s going on, until you breathe through them and reach a place of peace.

If this doesn’t work for you, let me know as it might be good to have someone talk you through it for the first time.  Everyone I’ve shared this process with has passed it on to their friends, family, clients, etc. because it’s simple and it really works.

It requires focus, but it is really as simple as this….  

Just be still, sit or lie down, feel and wait til the feeling dissipates… You’ll know you’re there when you start to feel a deep sense of peace and bliss.  DO NOT allow your mind/ego to try and distract you by working it out, analysing it, trying to change/control it etc.

2.        BREATHE!

There may be times when you can’t take yourself through the process of feeling the feelings, so until you can, just take a few minutes out and BREATHE!

This is one of my favourite topics of conversation, and the thing I rave about excitedly, usually forgetting to breathe myself… which is why it’s great to constantly remind others Lol.  I wrote an article on (The Benefits of Slow, Conscious) Breathing many years ago (link here) which is worth a read.  Here’s a couple of quick tips:

a) Breathe in for the count of 7, breathe out for the count of 11 (or as close as possible).

b) Take 40 deep breaths a day

As we manifest our Heaven on Earth, so much is shifting, and bodily symptoms and emotions will be frequently coming up to clear.

It is normal to experience physical and emotional sensations; many years ago I used to get intense sensations in the solar plexus area.  What helped then was breathing very deeply in to that area, and the use of Citrine Crystals to soothe and clear the energy.  Now I find that the main sensations are around the heart area.  These range from palpitations (fast, pronounced heartbeat), feelings of being stabbed in the back, sensations of heart expansion and growth, almost as if the love and joy is too much to contain.  The joy, excitement and love sensations usually arise after feelings of deep pain, sadness and anxiety.  This is due to our body template changing, so self care is crucial (water, time in nature, nourishing food), or whatever works for you.  You will probably be a lot more sensitive to certain things, so just be aware and always let the motivation for anything be love.  Tuning into the intuition and getting clarity on what is true for you is recommended.

Often when we feel bodily sensations, our mind can go into overdrive with worry, but if we let our thoughts have the power, they can make whatever is going on even worse.

“The only difference between fear and excitement is the breath.”

I slept a lot when I was feeling down as I usually get a lot of healing in the dreamtime, but when I started to simply focus on the breath, I actually found it a much quicker, more effective way to shift the energy gently and quickly.  The beauty of conscious breathing is that you can’t possibly think at the same time… BLISS 🙂

With focussed, conscious breathing the sensations I felt in my heart turned to excitement.  Then, when I stayed with the feeling, I moved into a state of being totally ‘in flow’.  Like I was connected to everything, in all time and space, as a spiritual being, which of course I am.  Breathing through, almost like giving birth, I was able to connect more fully with my divinity.  What I’ve been creating is truly sparkling with a new, fresh, unique, glow.  I am filled with love and gratitude.

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We ARE birthing the new, and it can be scary, deciphering what is of the old world, and moving into the new.  It’s the biggest unknown all of us on our own and as a collective have EVER embraced.  We’re creating it as we leap, so it’s super important to focus on what we WOULD love to create.

Dream, dream, dream…  You have got wings, and they are magnificent!

3.    Energy Flows Where Attention Goes

I’ m sure you’ve heard the phrase ’focus creates reality’.  When our energy is focussed on something negative, that is what we tend to manifest.

“Worry is a misuse of the imagination.”

Dan Zadra

We are divine creators, so when we focus on a vision of what we’d love in our lives, that is what we’ll create.  The first thing I do when I’m working in one to one or group settings is guide them to their version of ‘Heaven on Earth’.  This creates a higher structure in their lives with which to focus on.  Then, when more than 51% of their focus on that, consciously AND subconsciously, shift happens and they create what they DO love.

That is what ascension is; acknowledging our version of Heaven and Earthing it in our life.

With clarity on the path our soul is calling us to take it’s so much easier to focus on, and manifest that.  When we are living our purpose, and focussing on living to our highest potential, naturally any perceived ‘problems’ fade away.  This is a natural law of alchemy.

What kept me going during this time was my life purpose, and knowing that I was going to share the learnings with those I work with, and publish this blog so it’s out there forever.  I hoped it would bring a little more light into someone else’s life, so when I’m back in my bliss, others can follow into the light.


It’s not natural to be in a constant state of peace and happiness.  Alchemising the pain allows us to manifest what we love and be an inspiration for others as we shine in our realness.  Our external world reflects our internal world, so if we are feeling peace and happiness, that’s what we’ll create.

If we’re down, knowing ‘this too shall pass’, and we will reap the rewards, not only makes the rewards sweeter, but it magnetises them to us.

When we are in a state of bliss, in flow and feeling wonderful THAT is the space for manifestation, healing and absolute magic.

We are in Oneness, as the divine creator beings that we truly are in essence.  We can’t get to this place without clearing our ‘stuff’.  You see otherwise, we would constantly create what we don’t love…  as we become clearer and clearer, out manifestation abilities become more and more efficient, so it’s a natural law of success and creation that as we move up the spiral into higher and higher vibrations, we do create more and more of what we love.

What a reward!

This is the space I love guiding others to.  It allows them to see that whatever is happening in their life is truly meant to be – only when they are able to see from a spiritual perspective what the gifts might be, then what they are, and then they can look back and have gratitude for where they’ve been, what they’ve learned and who they’ve become.

I find this easier to do in a joint setting (ceremonies, worknplayshops, retreats), but it’s also possible in one to one sessions; depending on your starting point and whether you have one of my magic ingredients to hand, which is….

4. Chocolate.  Our Gentle, Powerful Guide

“No problem can be created from the same state of consciousness that created it.”  

Albert Einstein

I regularly use Cacao as a guide to more easily facilitate a connection with Divinity.  Cacao is a psychotropic substance, used by the Ancient Aztecs and Mayans so it changes our consciousness, allowing us to view situations, our lives, conflicts easily from our true essence; that is, spiritual beings having a human experience.  It is powerful and gentle… the way of the NEW!  For a blog on the 13 Spiritual Benefits of Chocolate click here.

5. Let Love Be The Magic Bus

The vehicle which took me on this journey started as the ‘hard’ bus, then it became the ‘easy’ bus, til I reached a certain level where my head was above the murky watery depths of my heavy emotions and I jumped on the ‘magic’ bus.  The one led by my heart; my intuition.

“What would you love?”

This is my absolute favourite question, it creates a bridge (the imagination), to our Heaven on Earth.  It is a gateway to dreams and imagination and it shifts the focus.  Like a light saber, it directs the energy on what we would love to create, and puts a stop to the internal chatter – which is often not super positive :)

I use a Shamanic process to guide people to their unique version of ‘heaven on earth’, but before that, what started as fun, I’d ask them this question;

‘What is it that you would love, that you just know is not possible?’  

Once they verbalised it, I’d get them to write it down.  Something miraculous then happened, without fail, their dream manifested, sometimes within just a few months.  I had trained these people to tune into their intution, however, the clearer you are, the more clear and effective your laser focus becomes, so play with this question too.

Start by asking these questions.  When you wish for something which serves you AND the planet, THAT is when the magic really happens.

Once we have clarity on the things we love, and we’re truthful about where we are in relation to that, this discrepancy creates something referred to by Robert Fritz as ‘structural tension’ which is an emotional and energetic tension that seeks to be resolved.  Interestingly enough, the more the discrepancy, the better.

If you imagine an elastic band stretched to its max, at one end is your vision, and the other is your current reality.  As you stretch the band the tension increases, the more the band will stretch and there will be more tension present, so the stronger our energy and motivation becomes to resolve the tension.

The tendency is for the rubber band to resolve the tension in the system, like nature this can be observed. There is only one way for it to go; resolution.  There are two ways we can resolve that tension, we can either go into our thoughts, feelings and beliefs like I’m not worthy, or good enough and then cover it all up with a favoured habit OR can simply hang with that tension, allowing your subconscious AND your divine power to manifest the desired end result.

Symbol of Love, Power, Freedom
Horse: Symbol of Love, Power, Freedom

I constantly use my intuition to guide me to creating more and more of my Heaven on Earth and it totally rocks my boat to see others do the same.  As one of my friends who I also mentor said a long time ago when I used a process called the ‘Land of Plenty’ said; “Wow, this is amazing, one day all of us will manifest our Land of Plenty and we’ll live in a World of Plenty!”

The examples and magical threads which can be weaved when we’re living from our imagination rather than our thoughts and feelings, or our belief system are really beyond our current imagination.

Life is an adventure, the more you treat it like one, and allow your imagination to have the power, you will effortlessly create and live the path your soul is calling you to take, stepping into your Heaven on Earth.

6.        Conflict As A Teacher

Harmony doesn’t come from happiness alone.  Harmony in music is created when contrasting notes and melodies collide, resulting in a divine resonance and richness.  It’s the same with human connections; our relationships are enriched and deepened by our experiences; by being real and truthful.  That’s one of the things I adore about my journey, and learning to face conflict, and speak my truth.  Friendships get stronger and more juicy because of tough times and conflict.  I still find it difficult to face conflict, as I have a vision of a heaven on earth and I often put a positive spin on conflict, pretend it’s not happening and try to avoid it (which is partly the reason for the tears).  However, our ‘leaden’ experiences do become our treasure

When we reap the rewards of our difficult times we gain wisdom, learnings and gifts, which can’t be given, they have to be experienced.

Sometimes it will be beneficial to actually go deep into the emotion, and see where it originated, this is particularly useful if you have been experiencing a repeated pattern, there’ is a free guided process which I posted on YouTube which you can use (click here).

Take the lessons of the spiral of learning you come through.  For me it’s about realness and taking things, which before, I’d, viewed as ‘old world paradigm’ nonsense.  A year ago, I had a real aversion to things like legal contracts, receiving them as old world and based on fear, however, what I’ve learned is that we can take some of the old world 3d creations and bring them lovingly in to the new world.  When we have things in writing, this is clarity which is a very good thing, it is light; wisdom is light.

Breathe… whatever is happening BREATHE!  Now is the moment of power (see blog about this), it is the only point we can create from, so make it powerful!  Focus on a higher structure, your dreams, with a foot in reality.

Remember that as your vibration changes, and you become lighter, more love-filled, changes will occur… when the light comes in, whatever not in alignment with that will come up… whether in yourself, in relationships, your surroundings.  Know that ‘this too shall pass.’

It did for me, and I wouldn’t change my ‘tough’ times for anything.

Enjoy beautiful beings.

‘There is a crack in everything.That’s how the light gets in.’ 

Leonard Cohen



Thanks for joining me on this journey. I hope you were inspired, please feel free to share this blog if you think it will inspire others.

‘We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” Gandhi

We’re all just walking each other home, so be gentle with yourself and others.  We’re all feeling the same stuff from time to time, so be the love you’d love to love.


Gerri is a Transformatrix who used imagination as a child to change others consciousness.  Her ‘imaginary friend’ was even called Tank, the name of one of the key characters in the film ‘The Matrix’.  She delights in gifting women worldwide with a magic wand to be the artist of the life beyond imagination.  Longer bio click here, and for testimonials see here.

If you would like a copy of the ‘Soul Alchemy Discovery’ recording, which will guide you through alchemising any feelings, and bring you to a place where you can create what you love, or you would like to book a session click on one of the links on this site or go to home page.


Love! xxx

Also published on Medium.

4 thoughts on “Help! 4 Steps Back To The Light….”

    • Aloha Loren,

      I’ve JUST found your comment, thank you – apologies for the delay.

      Let me know which blogs you prefer, I LOVE getting feedback from readers, and I like to know which posts they prefer. Do you have questions or areas you’d like me to blog about? Let me know.

      Much love and luck for 2015 and beyond!

      Gerri xxx

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