I feel raw today. Like all the “stuff” I’ve cleared and felt over the last few years is coming up in a jingle of raw emotion to be felt and cleared again. That’s A LOT of emotion!
I’ve been feeling so totally on top of the world, I held a ceremony on Saturday, and as facilitator, apart from the intention of serving the groups’ hearts and souls, I was curious about holding onto my light, high vibration. The guidance I got was that the emotions come and go, nothing right, nothing wrong. Back to ‘The Magic of Flow’.
Yesterday was the start of a day and a half with no plans, not seeing friends, no play, no sessions – just ME with myself.
Life has been a whirlwind of total bliss the last few weeks, since I stepped through a level of fear and journeyed from my gorgeous home, leaving my doggy, and embarking on what I thought would be a bit of a grim visit to London (cos I didn’t want to go).
In fact, my ego tried to prevent me from going with all sorts of stuff coming up including a physical pain so bad, I had to take a painkiller the day I flew (I have taken about 3 painkillers in the last 5/6 years – they are NOT a part of my life). You see I know there’s always a message in illness, and it’s simply a disconnection from source.
However, I could not get an answer to why on earth I was getting this unbearable earache. Once I took the painkiller and had a nap (great for the inner child), I woke up and had a loving chat with myself. I woke without pain, and it was bliss. What I realised was that I had created the pain, and it was a subtle, yet very uncomfortable form of self sabotage.
Now that I’ve been on my adventure for nearly three weeks, I can honestly say that I’ve had the best time ever! I’ve created some wonderful Ceremonies, met new, amazing people, connected in deep ways, and not so deep ways with beautiful hearts and oh so, so much more! I realise now, that my ego did not want me to follow my heart; the ego is simply about SURVIVAL. It is not motivated to encourage you to be MAGNIFICENT, step up and follow your dreams.
So, today, as I sit with my vulnerability, and a dose of sadness, there’s a myriad of realisations coming to me. This time last year, I was probably in one of the toughest times of my life emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I’d been in a space of attracting ‘bullies’ into my life. This was NOT something I was used to. I was also in a space of being a ‘good person’, so when almost publicly humiliated I did not fight back. I had no idea how to deal with it, but all that time I felt the presence of Saint Mary Magdalene with me and the message that kept coming to me was this:
No matter what people said about her (they called her a prostitute and a sinner), she never defended herself – because if she had done, it would be sinking to lower levels of human bickering, judgement and chaos. Doreen Virtue wrote about Saint Mary Magdalene, and she appears as one of the Goddesses in her wonderful Oracle Cards, she says; ‘The lower levels of human bickering, judgement and chaos are just that; lower levels. I choose to do my work from the level of the higher consciousness, where love reigns supreme. It’s here where the most good can be done, and I urge you to do the same. Where you dwell in consciousness, is where you truly dwell. So, focus your thoughts on the good things that you can find in people, and rise above all appearances otherwise…… Call upon her for forgiveness, and opening your heart to more love.”
What I learned, especially today, as I feel old feelings of sadness, and even some anger bubbling up, is that gentleness is the path. We need to feel the whole gamut of emotions, the trick is not to get stuck there, as Joseph Campbell so eloquently said ‘Pain is inherent, suffering is optional.’
I have a sweet feeling of grace and gratitude in my heart, because guaranteed, at the other side of where I am today is more joy, love and bliss that I could have possibly felt before. Even as I write about where I am, and sip my Sacred Cacao Elixir the feelings are transmuting into clarity on my dreams, and creations. There is also a gentle power in my root chakra, which is coming up to allow me to step more and more into my power, and create the dreams I was ignoring. When I ignored those dreams (especially last year), I attracted those with bullying energy into my life so I would awaken to the next stage of my power.
Feeling overawed, and full of joy for the gifts of clarity, love and peace – Happy feast day of Saint Mary Magdalene!
What I’ve learned today, is that The Magic of Flow is like waves, all emotions come and go, it’s as natural as the rhythm of the ocean. Just remember, that at the other side of a feeling which might feel uncomfortable, are the feelings that you love… and they will be more juicy and powerful than you might have ever felt before. That’s what you create, when you have the strength and power to allow it all.
If you feel a connection with Mary, take a couple of minutes today to just sit and feel your heart. There’s no ‘right way’ to do it, just simply sit and remember it. When you hug a child, you don’t think ‘Am I doing it right?’ It’s the same with loving yourself, and honouring your heart, just take a couple of moments and breathe… and allow the smile in your heart to find you, and as it does feel the smile spread all over your body….. and the world.
Thank you to all my teachers, coaches, mentors, and especially those who came along to show me where I was afraid and not in my power as the Divine Creator Being I AM… and you are too!
Have you or do you feel a connection to Saint Mary Magdalene, please feel free to share. I’d love to know more.
So much love,